“So far, I’ve only read the title page, and it seems to be about how the former president and his allies pressured D.O.J. to overturn the 2020 election,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday.
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The Senate Judiciary Committee released a new report on Thursday, titled “Subverting Justice: How the Former President and His Allies Pressured D.O.J. to Overturn the 2020 Election.”
“So far, I’ve only read the title page, and it seems to be about how the former president and his allies pressured D.O.J. to overturn the 2020 election,” Stephen Colbert said on “The Late Show.”
“According to a new Senate report, former President Trump directly asked the Justice Department on nine separate occasions to overturn the 2020 election. Nine? Was he in the back seat of the car? [Imitating Trump] ‘Will you overturn the election?’ ‘No!’ ‘Will you overturn the election?’ ‘No!’” — SETH MEYERS
“Trump really thought he could get away with throwing out the vote. He told people at the D.O.J., ‘You guys aren’t following the internet the way I do,’ which I assume means they aren’t Googling ‘Mushroom penis normal?’ over and over again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Fortunately, lawyers at the Department of Justice threatened to resign en masse if he replaced the attorney general, who refused to do his dirty work, with one of his cronies, who presumably would. He’s such a Karen, isn’t he? ‘Let me speak to the attorney general! He won’t? Well, does he have a supervisor? Put him on the phone!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Of course, there was no acknowledgment of this attempted coup — and that’s what it was — from his fellow Republicans. Senator Chuck Grassley’s office this morning issued the G.O.P. version of the report, which says, and I quote: ‘Trump listened to his senior advisers and he followed their advice and recommendations,’ which is a nice way of saying he wanted to overthrow the government but the lawyers wouldn’t let him do it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“But that’s how close we came. Trump tried every avenue he could think of: the courts, the states, the vice president, the Justice Department. He’s like the guy in gridlock traffic who keeps switching lanes, and then throws his hands up when it doesn’t work.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Raise the Roof Edition)
“We almost didn’t have a government to save, thanks to former President The Big Lie-bowski.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“As I mentioned, Congress has reached a deal to raise the debt ceiling for two months. I’ll tell you what I think: Just do what Netflix does and raise the ceiling a little bit each month so nobody notices.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Woo! Raise the financial roof!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“This means America will remain solvent and free from financial calamity. Until Dec. 3.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Madonna answered all of Jimmy Fallon’s burning questions on “The Tonight Show.”
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